rantings from the front lines of social services

conversation #46

2005-05-23T11:20:00.000-05:00

How to make sure you never have to talk with the religiously preoccupied again:

Me: Can you tell me why you keep going back to using drugs?
Client: It's Satan. Do you know the Price of Darkness?
Me: Well, it's not like we're on a first-name basis...

laying the smack down

2005-05-18T12:30:00.000-05:00

It's because of sessions like these that I'm getting a reputation around here:

Client: I'd love to be in treatment here, but I don't think it will fit into my schedule.
Me: You're homeless and unemployed, right?
Client: Yeah.
Me: So what do you have to do that's better than coming here?
Client: You know... I got business to take care of.
Me: In other words, you're too busy out on the streets getting high. You spend so much of your day trying to find faster ways to kill yourself, you just don't have the time to come here and get well.
Client: But...
Me: I completely understand. You have business to take care of. You have to get out there and poison yourself and your mind.
(brief pause)
Me: Well, you better get back to it. You better get out there and cop. Go make your mamma proud.
Client: My mamma?
Me: Is she still alive?
Client: Yeah... but what does she have to do...
Me: When she's collapsed on the floor at your funeral, when she kicks her feet and pounds her hands on the ground screaming about her baby, after you die of an overdose, she'll be glad that you took care of so much business.
Client: Wait just a minute...
Me: (standing up) I'm going to leave you alone for a couple of minutes to think about it. Then, we'll take another look at your schedule.

conversation #65

2005-05-11T10:47:00.000-05:00

I'm doing an individual session with a client.

Me: You have to find a way of coping with stress that works for you.
Client:I know what works for me. Crack works for me.
Me:Really? You've been using crack for 10 years, and you live in a refrigerator box. It doesn't seem like it's working for you.
Client:You might be right. How about heroin, then?

you can't argue with logic

2005-05-03T11:51:00.000-05:00

A client in group was confronted today, about his substance abuse. His reply is classic:

"My way might be crazy, but it's how I've always done it."

clients supporting each other

2005-04-27T14:35:00.000-05:00

From a recent group session. Client A is sobbing, and has been for the past 10 minutes.

Client A:I mean... I just can't seem to get it right, you know? And it's not like I don't have advantages. It's not like I haven't been places... I've lived all over the world. I lived in London, and Georgia, and Montreal, and Hawaii... I've been all over the world--
Client B:(singing) But I've never been... to me...

conversation #103

2005-04-26T10:34:00.000-05:00

Client: I've been feeling really anxious lately.
Counselor: Why is that?
Client: Probably because the guy I cop now is the same guy who shot me a couple of years ago.
Counselor: You're buying drugs from a man who shot you?
Client: Yeah.
Counselor: (looks stunned) Why are you buying drugs from a guy who shot you?
Client: Because he has them.
Counselor: I really like steak, but if the waiter at my favorite steakhouse shot me, I wouldn't go back.
Client: You'd probably miss out on some really good meat, then.

who are the "allens" and why are they "out of spice?"

2005-04-22T14:10:00.000-05:00

We have a new client in the agency, a middle-aged man who claims that he started using heroin 15 years ago, shortly after he was abducted by aliens. I had this conversation with one of the other counselors:

Me: Bryan says that he was abducted when he was 29.
Other Counselor: Really.
Me: Yup.
Other Counselor: (begining to laugh) Did they steal anything from him, or just probe him?
Me: They took his dignity.

the joys of convicts

2005-04-14T12:02:00.000-05:00

We have one smart-ass client in our agency right now. Which is annoying, because the client is SO DAMN FUNNY that I can't keep a straight face in group. For example:

Ex-con: I just couldn't get paroled because the prison psychologist kept giving me bad reviews.
Smart-ass: What'd you say to her: "Can we make this quick? I've got some tunneling to do."
Ex-Con: That's not funny
Smart-ass: "Just don't ask me to take a drug test."
Ex-Con: Seriously. Stop it.
Smart-ass: "You got a perty mouth."
Me: OK, Smart-ass, we need to be respectful* of each other.

*Do you know hard it is to say this when you are laughing so hard on the inside your eyes are welling up with tears?

decisions...

2005-04-05T10:24:00.000-05:00

I heard the other day that one of my clients purchased a car from another of my former clients--it turns out that this deal was brokered by this agency's consulting psychiatrist.

This is highly unethical; he could lose his license for this.

So what am I to do?

long-overdue update

2005-03-31T11:57:00.000-06:00

I haven't entered anything here in a long time, because I had some personal issues to deal with. Not because of a lack of crazy stories. As an apology, I give you the following true story.

We got a new client in late February. This woman (call her "Judy") had the habit of dying her hair--ALL of her hair--neon cartoon colors. She would have red hair one day, blue the next, green the day after. She also died her eyebrows and pubic hair. When she first arrived she had orange hair. Do you know how freaky it is to talk to someone with orange eyebrows? Anyway, she would ask staff and other clients, "Do you want to see my orange critter?" If they answered, "Yes," she would drop her pants.

We did get her to stop this behavior, by threatening that we would no longer let her have Kool-Aid packets (which is what she used to color her hair). So she stopped. But one day in the TV lounge a fight broke out between Judy and another client.

Apparently, the clients were watching re-runs of the old TV show "Angel." One of the main character turns into a blue-haired monster of some kind in one of the episodes. (See a picture here.) One of the clients, after the show was over, confronted Judy, trying to exorcise her demon, despite the fact that Judy has no resemblence to the woman in the TV show whatsoever, except for the blue hair. (This is the second time that one client has tried to exorcise another. How bizarre.)

Anyway, it evolved into a full-on fight. Judy and the other client were both escorted off our property and to the Happy Hospital by police.

How was your month?

valentine's day

2005-02-14T13:36:00.000-06:00

One of our clients had a Valentine that her boyfriend sent her. She showed it off in group today. It was obviously home-made--the front had a drawing of a rose and a knife, and looked like it was modeled after a tattoo, which it probably was. The inside, which the client read to the group, said this:

I loved you in your frills,
and I loved you in your lace.
But most of all I loved you
when you sat on my face.

Next time I see you,
I'll buy your ass a rose...
and we'll have a good time
when you cum out of your pantyhose.

Ain't love grand?

just another day

2005-02-08T11:52:00.000-06:00

We have a new client here at the agency. Let's call her "Ann."

Ann is a little unusual. She seems to have the mentality of an 8 year old. She arrived here with a stuffed rabbit and a cowboy hat. Everything seemed to be moving along just fine--even though she's a little slow, she's nice to everyone and committed to the program.

I found a note on my desk this morning. Apparently, Ann had locked herself in her room by jamming a chair under the doorknob. The night shift heard loud noises coming from her room, and so they went to investigate.

"After forcing in the door [!], we found Ann naked except for her hat, straddling the chair backwards, with a cafeteria spoon in her vagina [!!], rocking back and forth, and pulling the ears of her stuffed rabbit and grunting. The grunting and the chair legs hitting the floor were the causes of the noises we had heard. She did not stop until forcably stopped by staff, at which time she became frightened. She hid under her blanket and shouted for all of us to go away."

The note goes on to suggest that I "follow-up" with Ann in an individual session.

I don't get paid enough.

lunch

2005-02-02T13:12:00.000-06:00

Every day the client's bitch about the food. Except for one client. Today that client had a discussion with another client:

"The food here is a crime. I can't believe they expect us to eat this," one client said.
"Yeah. Where were you living before you came here?" the other client asked.
"On the street," the 1st client responded.
"So the food was better on the street that it is in here?" the 2nd client asked.
"Well, not really..." the 1st began.
"Then shut the fuck up," the 2nd said.

irony

2005-01-31T13:19:00.000-06:00

One of the clients had a T-shirt that said this:

"We, the willing,
led by the unknowing,
are doing the impossible for the ungrateful.
We have done so much
with so little
for so long,
we are now qualified
to do anything
with nothing."

Isn't that ironic?

manipulative much?

2005-01-24T09:59:00.000-06:00

Whenever one of our clients reports suicidal ideation or intention (in other words, they say they're going to kill themselves) we have to do an individual session with them, and fill out a bunch of paperwork. This is a CYA liability thing, but it's annoying as hell.

Sometimes, the clients pick up on the fact that they can get special attention if they make a credible claim of suicide. We have one such client now.

"I just don't know what to do," she says to the group.
"That is something that you're going to need to think about," I say, trying to wrap up the session so I can go home. "We're at the end of the hour. Let's talk more about this tomorrow," I say.
"I just... I'mgoingtokillmyself," she blurts out in an instant--she knows the magic words.
And just like that, I'm stuck at the agency for another hour, filling out papers and talking to this woman, who no more wants to kill herself than I do.

education

2005-01-20T10:05:00.000-06:00

I know that most, if not all, of my clients are severely under-educated. But sometimes the things they say dumbfound me. Today, a client referred to someone as an "anti-positive influence" in her life. Of course, being the good echoing counselor that I am, I had to talk about "anti-positive" influences for the rest of the damn session.

no news is good news

2005-01-13T09:51:00.000-06:00

This morning, while I was drving to work, I heard a story about a house fire that killed 3 people. The fire was intentionally set by a woman who was angry at her boyfriend/crack dealer.

I wonder if people in other types of work listen to the news, hear a story about a recent violent crime, and then pray quietly, "God, please don't let that be one of mine."

secrets

2005-01-11T09:48:00.000-06:00

One thing that constantly amazes me is that the clients here seem to think that the staff don't communicate with one another. They will say one thing to one staff, and another thing to another staff, and be suprised when one of us points out that they have been inconsistent.

The most recent example:

"I never broke no laws," he told me in group.

Later, another counselor says to me: "Did ******* tell you he just got out of prison?"
"No, I respond."
"Yeah," she continues. "He did 10 years for a bank robbery."

resolutions

2005-01-07T08:21:00.000-06:00

We're talking about New Year's Resolutions in group.

"Who has a resolution they'd like to share?" I ask.
"I do," says one client. "I want to lose some weight."
This client is an ex-crack-using prostitute. This means that she's about 100 lbs, max.
"How much weight would you like to lose?" I ask.
"What? Why are you talking to me? I didn't say nothin' about losing weight. You crazy?" she responds.

Indeed. I'm the crazy one.

new year, but same old clients

2005-01-04T09:03:00.000-06:00

I'm discharging planning with a client.

"Where are you going to live after you leave here?" I ask.
"I found an apartment," she says.
"How much is the rent?" I ask. (This is a standard question--you'll see why.)
"$550 a month," she says.
"It says here [indicating her file] that you get only $564 a month from your disability check," I point out.
"Yup. It's a good thing I found that place, because I couldn't afford much more than that!" she says, proudly.

Back to "Life Skills Class" with you, my dear.

conversation #97

2004-12-22T16:01:00.000-06:00

"Can I have a candy cane?" a client asks, gesturing to the dish of candy on my desk.
"Sure," I say. "Help yourself."
"Jesus, you addiction people are always telling us us we have to help ourselves, and do things for ourselves, and take responsibility for ourselves! All I wanted was a damn candy cane!" And she stomps out of my office.

Merry Christmas!

inappropriate much?

2004-12-20T14:40:00.000-06:00

Tomorrow is the first day of winter, so we're talking about winter memories in group.

"What are you favorite winter memories?" I ask. "Something that you think of this time of year that makes you think of a pleasant time in your life?"

"I have one..." a client volunteers. "I remember when I was a little kid and we had a big snow storm and my grandfather took us to play outside. He dove face first into a snow drift. It was really, really funny, watching him flop around in the snow. We joined him, all of us laughing and rolling in the snow. But then, well, he didn't get up. It turned out he was having a stroke. And he died later that day."

Oh, for the Love of Christ, I thought.

new client

2004-12-17T16:59:00.000-06:00

We have a new client. We won't have her for long, because she is (and I think this is the technical term) Bat-shit Crazy.

Judge for yourself:

"You know that I didn't always have hair! Neither did you! You know how all hair stylists are gay? Well, that's because we didn't always have hair. No! The gays made us have hair so they could cut it! It's a conspiracy! The gays and the hair!"

How do I keep a straight face during assessments?

drama drama drama

2004-12-14T09:38:00.000-06:00

Sometimes, the clients fight.

That happened today, in the rec room. These two clients have never gotten along. But today it reached a boiling point.

One client threw the Bible (I'm not kidding--he found it in the rec room) at the other client, and yelled, "Demon! You a Demon! Take some Holy Word of God! Holy Jesus help us exorcise this Demon!"

The other client looked around for something to retaliate with, and grabbed... (get ready for it) The Book of Mormon, which has been sitting on the bookshelf in our rec room for years. (Again, I'm not making this up.) He hurled The Book of Mormon at the first client, and yelled, "If I'm a demon, then this is straight from hell right back at you!"

Ahh.... you can't make this shit up. And maybe you wouldn't even want to.

the cutter

2004-12-08T11:08:00.000-06:00

One of the women here has been cutting herself.

This is not unusual, sadly. Cutting is more common that most people believe. And people who cut usually aren't trying to kill themselves--they just kind of get off on the pleasure of cutting themselves.

Anyway, her doctor noticed the new cuts on her stomach, and brought it to the attention of our staff. Now she has to be watched 24-hours a day.

Personally, I think that's a little extreme. Cutting isn't as harmful, as say, smoking, but we let the client's smoke between groups. I think she should be counceled on her desire to cut, but not watched like some sort of a freak.

Just my two cents.

shortages

2004-12-07T08:41:00.000-06:00

There are no Kleenix in the entire facility.

What kind of a mental health clinic doesn't have Kleenix????

conversation #72

2004-12-02T08:00:00.000-06:00

"Is there anything else I can do to make you more comfortable?" I ask a client after I show him his room.
"You can get me a car," he says. He is dead serious.
"Um, that's not really a need I can meet for you. I was more talking about extra blankets, pillows, something like that," I say.
"Well, I needs a car. And your agency is supposed to help people like me. Get me a car," he says.
Riiiiight... I'll just hook you up with the "Cars for Crackheads" program, I think.

what the fuck

2004-11-29T13:58:00.000-06:00

I've learned a lot of slang on this job. Tons and tons. But today we got a new guy, and I swear he's speaking a different language. As best I can remember, this is what he said:

"He be all seagull on my ass, and I thinking-drinking-stinking, ya' know? I gotta get the river some ho's, or we gunna have a problem, and that's with a capital-capital, you get me? Yup yup yup... grey grey grey."

What the fuck? I'm thinking this might be some kind of schizophrenia.

funny...

2004-11-24T08:11:00.000-06:00

One client talking to another one:

"My old lady gets on my case all the damn time," said #1.
"That's because you a fuck-up," said #2.
"Hey now..." said #1.
"Oh, get over yo' shit. We all fuck-ups here. That's why we's here," responded #2.

No arguing with that logic.

Motivation

2004-11-23T13:03:00.000-06:00

exerpt from an interview today:

"I don' wanna go back to prison."
"OK. No one does. But what specifically is going to keep you out?"
"You can't get no decent drugs or sex in prison."

Ahh... candor at last.

say good bye boys and girls

2004-11-19T15:42:00.000-06:00

Ms. CrazyWoman is no longer with us.

The administration decided that she was "unfit for treatment." Meaning, she's way to wacked-out, even for us.

I agree.

The administration came to this conclusion after she locked herself in the woman's bathroom and yelled that she was going to kill herself by drowning herself in the toilet. The janitor busted down the door, and a couple of staffers hauled her back to her room. Then her case manager (not me, thank God) had to tell her she was going to be going to the happy hospital.

"We're going to have to send you to the hospital," the case manager said, in the same voice you'd use to tell a child that his puppy died.
"Goddammit!" she yelled. She started to get up, and it looked like she was going to go ape-shit.
"You know that we have to send people who did what you did to the hospital," the case manager says.
Ms.CrazyWoman calms down, and says, "Yeah. Dammit. Let me pack my stuff."

And that was it. She was picked up by an ambulence. I wish her well.

Ms. CrazyWoman strikes again.

2004-11-16T09:37:00.000-06:00

Christ. Today I was given the task of doing a review of Ms. CrazyWoman. We do reviews every so often--this is where we see if the client is making progress or just dicking us around. So I sit with Ms. CrazyWoman in an office, and start asking her things. Everything is going well, until:

"Oh my God! I forgot!" she yells.
"Forgot what?" I say.
"Today's my mother's birthday!" she says.
"Oh," I say. I know I have to tread lightly here, since this woman is in her 50's, and her mother is most likely dead. "What do you usually do on her birthday?" I ask. That seems safe.
"I call her," she says.
OK, I'm thinking, there's no harm if she calls her mother in my office.
"Do you want to call her now?" I ask. I gesture to the phone.
"OK," she says. She stands up, flapps her arms around like some damn bird, jumps and down, and begins to yell, "Mommmmmm.... Moooooommmmmmm!!!!! Mooooommmmmmmmyyyyyyyyy!!!!!!!"
"Wait wait wait..." I say.
"Well, you said I could call her. She's in heaven. This is my heaven dance."

It was so hard not to laugh out loud... I almost shit myself.

Ms. CrazyWoman gets a pet

2004-11-10T13:24:00.000-06:00

I wish I were joking.

Ms. CrazyWoman is still here (most of our clients stay for 2-3 months) and she's no less crazy than she was before. Although, thanks to some appropriately-applied medication, she no longer babbles.

Today, Ms. CrazyWoman came to my group with a fur stole (!) wrapped around her thigh and pelvis(!!).

"What is that?" I ask, trying to sound conversational.
"What?" she responds.
Christ, that smelly, dirty thing you've got wrapped around you loins. "That," I say, gesturing to the offending object.
"That's my coochie," she says. "It keeps me warm at night."
All the other members of the group are laughing. And inside, I'm dying.

too good to last

2004-10-26T16:00:00.000-05:00

The past few weeks were way too good to last.

That all changed today, when we admitted Ms. CrazyWoman.

Ms. CrazyWoman (not her real name) babbles. And she babbles loudly. It'd be more accurate to say she screames random shit. She's been driving me nuts all damn day. Here is a sample of her babbling:

"I went to my son's house and my grandson was there and do you know that he was in jail until last Tuesday or was it Wednesday I don't remember I think my mother died on a Wednesday did you know that did I tell you about my Mother I think I did but maybe not anyway she died and I had a seizure and the funeral I almost said wedding because I had a seizure at my son's wedding..."

And it just goes on and on and on like that, at the top of her lungs. Right now she's alone in a meeting room, and I can still hear her.

Shoot me.

phone call

2004-10-19T11:09:00.000-05:00

I got a phone call today, from a former client of mine. He is a 17 year old who initially came to my agency from the hospital because he had OD'd on Crack. He hadn't been to school in over year. I discharged him back in June, and he was clean and enrolled in summer school.

"Mr. ********, I just wanted you to know that I got an A in math on my progress repor," he says.
"Good for you, ********. What were the other grades?" I ask.
"Man, I knew you'd ask that," he whines.
"What were they?" I insist.
"I got the one A, two B-'s, and 3 C's," he sounds dejected.
"*******," I say in my most stern voice,"I have something to say about that."
"What?" he says, sounding irritated.
"That's the best news I've heard all year," I say.
"Really?" he sounds like a little boy who has been told that he's getting a puppy.
"Really," I say. And it is the best news I've had all year.

just cause I'm white doesn't mean I don't know snoop

2004-10-11T08:15:00.000-05:00

"Did you just say 'fo shizzle'?" the client asks me.
"Yes, I did," I respond.
"You ain't no nizzle," he glares.
"Nah, but this here's my ho-zizzle. Best be respect-izzle-ful, ya' hear?" I reply.
"Fo'shizzle," he nods and smiles.

did you know?

2004-10-04T17:57:00.000-05:00

This pisses me off.

My clients are often ex-felons, right? Here's a short list of things ex-fellons can't do:

1) Vote.
2) Possess a firearm.
3) Work in a school.
4) Drive a car.

OK, item 1 is common knowledge, even though it's pretty stupid when you think about it. We let the mentally ill vote, but not fellons. Whatever.

Items 2 and 3 are self-explanatory, and oddly enough, the two that are the least likely to be enforced.

But item #4 is a suprise to most people. If you are convited of a felony involvin a motor vehicle (say, for example, you drive to deliver you crack) then you can't drive for 18 months after you come out of prison.

This is the #1 obstacle in finding employment for these guys. Many of my clients lose their jobs because they are late to work due to the poor public transit system. Others can't get around even to fill out applications.

So instead they sit at home and get ever more angry and ever more poor.

Thank you, Criminal Justice System.

should I laugh or cry

2004-10-01T13:54:00.000-05:00

My client, in a moment of brillance, decided to rob a corner grocery store. The store was closed. My client decided to break in through the ventilation system, in the roof. (I wish I were making this up.) In the process of climbing down from the vent, my client set of the alarm system. The alarm scared him, and he fell, and broke his leg in two places. There's my client, leg broken, alarm going off, police on the way. Escape is impossible, and he's not armed. So what does he do?

He limps over to the refrigerator case and gets out a 40, sits down on the floor and starts drinking.

The police arrive, and see this man sitting on the floor, with two empty 40-oz bottles. He looks up at them and says, "Took you long enough."

my eyeballs are dirty

2004-09-23T14:41:00.000-05:00

I was facillitating a group session. There were about 7 people there. One woman begins to talk:

"I had a lot of sex to support my habit," and she starts to cry very softly. "I mean, I did things I never thought I'd do. Things you wouldn't even believe. I slept with people who weren't clean--you know??" at this point she points her finger at the floor for emphasis. "They weren't clean. I think I got diseases. Like, for example, does this look right?"

She gets up, and before I can say anything, she drops her pants and says, "Does this look infected to you?"

Holy inappropriate behavior, Batman!

values

2004-09-16T16:51:00.000-05:00

I have an unusual client. He's a 23-year-old white gay male. He's a good looking guy from a middle class family. He's got a college education, and a white-collar job. This is not my typical client. He's here because he's addicted to Crystal Meth and Cocaine.

I had been trying to help him find motivation to stay sober for about 4 weeks, and I'd gotten nowhere. In fact, he was still using regularly. He hadn'tt even made a slight commitment to getting clean. I'd talked about possibily fucking up his relationship, his health, his family, his career... nadda. Until one day, I had a brain wave:

"You know that Crystal makes you age prematurely?" I ask.
"No," he says, looking stunned.
"It does," I reply.
"No way," he says. "It can't. That's not right." He's visably agitated.
"Sure it does. I mean, yeah, you're 23 now, but in a couple of years you'll be in your late 20s, and you'll probably look like you in your mid 30s. By the time you actually are in your 30s, you'll probably pass for 40 or 50," I say.
"Get out," he says.
"No, really... I see it all the time. You know that woman waiting in the lobby when you came in?" I ask.
"Yeah...?" he responds.
"She's 28," I lie. [The client in question is actually in her mid-40s.]

Would you believe that this client has been clean for 8 weeks now?

crackwhore confessions

2004-09-04T19:50:00.000-05:00

There is a 63 year-old woman in my office, weeping:

"Oh, Mr. **********, I ain't done nothing but made some stupid mistakes. Alls I want in life is a chance to fix it. Is that too much? [She pauses to blow her nose.] All I want is a nice, warm place of my own. And maybe a little money so all my bills are paid. Nothing fancy, just some place where everything is paid up. And something to eat. [She pauses again, to whipe her eyes.] And maybe... maybe a pet. Maybe a cat, or a little dog. Is that too much to ask?"

My heart was breaking.

Fast forward one week. I talked to some people at some other agencies, and found that this grandmother is the Client from Hell--she attacked several staffers at the last rehab facility she was at. In fact, she's so bad, that the Social Services Agency (where people go to apply for food stamps and such) won't see her. Trust me, this is a big deal.

So the next week I confront her on what I found out:

"I called Social Services, and [the rehab facility]. They told me that you had some problems managing your anger, and that they wouldn't help you. So I'm wondering if you might benefit from some counceling around this..."

She leaps to her feet and starts to shake her fists in the air: "I'm going to kill all you! I'm going to kill you! You don't help people! You just hurt them! I hate you I hate you I hate you I hate you I hate you I hate you I hate you I hate you I hate you..." the sound fades away as our security guard "escorts" her out.

this shit is wack, annotated

2004-08-27T05:03:00.000-05:00

"This shit is wack," he says as he enters my office.
"What shit is that?" I ask.
"Man, my PO [Parole Officer] says she gonna send me back in unless I get a letter from you," he says.
[Ed: This is not uncommon. We get people on parole who have substance abuse problems all the time, and I have to send letters to PO's. Half my damn day is talking to PO's sometimes.]
"What made her say that?" I ask.
"I dropped a dirty," he says. [Ed: This means he tested positive for drugs on a urine test at his PO's office.]
"What did you test for?" I ask.
"Cocaine," he says.
"How is a letter from me going to change that?" I ask.
"You can tell her that my medicine made me test positive," he leans in, the way stupid convicts do when they are trying to pull something over on someone. Watch Judge Judy--you'll see what I'm talking about.
"I'm not going to lie for you," I say.
"It's not a lie. I'm on Vicodin, and the doctor says that can make me test positive for drugs," he says. He smiles, the way stupid convicts do when they think they've outsmarted you.
"No, Vicodin makes you test positive for opium or heroin. Not for cocaine. She wouldn't believe me, and since I know it's not true, I'm not going to lie for you," I tell him.
He pauses, and frowns.
"So what the hell good are you, then?" he responds.

Indeed.

Messed up.

2004-08-19T13:20:00.000-05:00

I had a messed up session today. I'm doing an evaluation on this woman, who looks all the world like a cocker spaniel. She's calm, she's smiling, until she starts to talk about her boyfriend, and how they argue over crack and prostitution. Then she starts wailing and pounding on the table. I can't write because she's hitting the table so hard. This is what she says:

"I just don' understand why we ain't happy. We do everything together. They says that communications are important in relationships, right? We communicates! He says, 'Honey, we dry,' and I know I gotta go out and do for him and me. We talks about it, we both know the game. But he all like, 'You gotta stop whoring,' and I'm all like, 'Bitch, it's your fix I'm fixing!' Why don't he see that?"

Best Line Ever: "It's your fix I'm fixing."

First post

2004-08-09T13:31:00.000-05:00

OK.
I'm facilitating a support group for substance abusers who are male and between 18 and 24. One of them was recently in jail for battery. The topic turns to trouble with the law.

I say: What happened that you were locked up?
He says: This guy was grinning on me, and I couldn't let that go. So I stepped up in his face and says, "You gotta problem?" and he goes, "Nah, man." so I turns around, and when I turns around, he hits me. I hit the fucker back, and next thing the police are putting me in a car.
I say: What could you have done differently?
He says: Nuttin.
I say: What does the rest of the group think?
Someone else says: He did the right thing, man. You gotta stick up for your own.
I say, addressing the person who just spoke: Didn't you just get outta prison for battery?
Guy number two says: Yeah.
I say: Then maybe you ~~should shut up and learn something~~ might want to think of some alternatives to violence with me.

And so it goes.

2004-08-08T08:53:00.000-05:00

test...