clients supporting each other
From a recent group session. Client A is sobbing, and has been for the past 10 minutes.

Client A:I mean... I just can't seem to get it right, you know? And it's not like I don't have advantages. It's not like I haven't been places... I've lived all over the world. I lived in London, and Georgia, and Montreal, and Hawaii... I've been all over the world--
Client B:(singing) But I've never been... to me...
- posted by not_jane_addams @ 2:35 PM

 
conversation #103
Client: I've been feeling really anxious lately.
Counselor: Why is that?
Client: Probably because the guy I cop now is the same guy who shot me a couple of years ago.
Counselor: You're buying drugs from a man who shot you?
Client: Yeah.
Counselor: (looks stunned) Why are you buying drugs from a guy who shot you?
Client: Because he has them.
Counselor: I really like steak, but if the waiter at my favorite steakhouse shot me, I wouldn't go back.
Client: You'd probably miss out on some really good meat, then.
- posted by not_jane_addams @ 10:34 AM

 
who are the "allens" and why are they "out of spice?"
We have a new client in the agency, a middle-aged man who claims that he started using heroin 15 years ago, shortly after he was abducted by aliens. I had this conversation with one of the other counselors:

Me: Bryan says that he was abducted when he was 29.
Other Counselor: Really.
Me: Yup.
Other Counselor: (begining to laugh) Did they steal anything from him, or just probe him?
Me: They took his dignity.
- posted by not_jane_addams @ 2:10 PM

 
the joys of convicts
We have one smart-ass client in our agency right now. Which is annoying, because the client is SO DAMN FUNNY that I can't keep a straight face in group. For example:


Ex-con: I just couldn't get paroled because the prison psychologist kept giving me bad reviews.
Smart-ass: What'd you say to her: "Can we make this quick? I've got some tunneling to do."
Ex-Con: That's not funny
Smart-ass: "Just don't ask me to take a drug test."
Ex-Con: Seriously. Stop it.
Smart-ass: "You got a perty mouth."
Me: OK, Smart-ass, we need to be respectful* of each other.



*Do you know hard it is to say this when you are laughing so hard on the inside your eyes are welling up with tears?
- posted by not_jane_addams @ 12:02 PM

 
decisions...
I heard the other day that one of my clients purchased a car from another of my former clients--it turns out that this deal was brokered by this agency's consulting psychiatrist.

This is highly unethical; he could lose his license for this.

So what am I to do?
- posted by not_jane_addams @ 10:24 AM