conversation #97
"Can I have a candy cane?" a client asks, gesturing to the dish of candy on my desk.
"Sure," I say. "Help yourself."
"Jesus, you addiction people are always telling us us we have to help ourselves, and do things for ourselves, and take responsibility for ourselves! All I wanted was a damn candy cane!" And she stomps out of my office.

Merry Christmas!

- posted by not_jane_addams @ 4:01 PM

 
inappropriate much?
Tomorrow is the first day of winter, so we're talking about winter memories in group.

"What are you favorite winter memories?" I ask. "Something that you think of this time of year that makes you think of a pleasant time in your life?"

"I have one..." a client volunteers. "I remember when I was a little kid and we had a big snow storm and my grandfather took us to play outside. He dove face first into a snow drift. It was really, really funny, watching him flop around in the snow. We joined him, all of us laughing and rolling in the snow. But then, well, he didn't get up. It turned out he was having a stroke. And he died later that day."

Oh, for the Love of Christ, I thought.



- posted by not_jane_addams @ 2:40 PM

 
new client
We have a new client. We won't have her for long, because she is (and I think this is the technical term) Bat-shit Crazy.

Judge for yourself:

"You know that I didn't always have hair! Neither did you! You know how all hair stylists are gay? Well, that's because we didn't always have hair. No! The gays made us have hair so they could cut it! It's a conspiracy! The gays and the hair!"

How do I keep a straight face during assessments?



- posted by not_jane_addams @ 4:59 PM

 
drama drama drama
Sometimes, the clients fight.

That happened today, in the rec room. These two clients have never gotten along. But today it reached a boiling point.

One client threw the Bible (I'm not kidding--he found it in the rec room) at the other client, and yelled, "Demon! You a Demon! Take some Holy Word of God! Holy Jesus help us exorcise this Demon!"

The other client looked around for something to retaliate with, and grabbed... (get ready for it) The Book of Mormon, which has been sitting on the bookshelf in our rec room for years. (Again, I'm not making this up.) He hurled The Book of Mormon at the first client, and yelled, "If I'm a demon, then this is straight from hell right back at you!"

Ahh.... you can't make this shit up. And maybe you wouldn't even want to.

- posted by not_jane_addams @ 9:38 AM

 
the cutter
One of the women here has been cutting herself.

This is not unusual, sadly. Cutting is more common that most people believe. And people who cut usually aren't trying to kill themselves--they just kind of get off on the pleasure of cutting themselves.

Anyway, her doctor noticed the new cuts on her stomach, and brought it to the attention of our staff. Now she has to be watched 24-hours a day.

Personally, I think that's a little extreme. Cutting isn't as harmful, as say, smoking, but we let the client's smoke between groups. I think she should be counceled on her desire to cut, but not watched like some sort of a freak.

Just my two cents.

- posted by not_jane_addams @ 11:08 AM

 
shortages
There are no Kleenix in the entire facility.

What kind of a mental health clinic doesn't have Kleenix????

- posted by not_jane_addams @ 8:41 AM

 
conversation #72
"Is there anything else I can do to make you more comfortable?" I ask a client after I show him his room.
"You can get me a car," he says. He is dead serious.
"Um, that's not really a need I can meet for you. I was more talking about extra blankets, pillows, something like that," I say.
"Well, I needs a car. And your agency is supposed to help people like me. Get me a car," he says.
Riiiiight... I'll just hook you up with the "Cars for Crackheads" program, I think.

- posted by not_jane_addams @ 8:00 AM